s#!+ shane says

He really has no idea how funny he is (to me, at least) on a daily basis. 

Shane: "Aw, dangit..."

Me: "What?"

Shane: "There's some marshmallow in my soul patch."

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Shane: "I should stop by Walgreens tomorrow and get one of those Icy-Hot patches... ya know, for work?"

Me: "Oh yeah?"

Shane: "Yeah, well...Shaq likes them! If it's good enough for Shaq then it's good enough for me" 

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*me, going on long mushy love rant to shane*

Me: "So...what are you thinking about?" 

Shane: "How that branch in that painting looks like a chameleon...." 

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‎"...and when it happens, you'll get a big fat 'I told you so!'....and I want an apple-tini."

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‎"Oh, it must be eleven thirty... or eleven thirty five... or eleven thirty ten...." 

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‎(just before starting an episode of Breaking Bad) 

"Come here, let's cuddle and watch someone cook meth."

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(Looking for a local Fed-Ex...)

Me: "I thought you knew where it was."

Shane: "Just because I have the address and looked at it on the map doesn't mean I know where it is..."

Me: "Um, that's exactly what that means.."

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Me: "You know me like the back of your hand" 

Shane: *looks at the back of his hand* "How'd that get there!?"

(chuckles)

Shane: "Really though... one time I was looking at the back of my hand and I noticed that freckle *points* and I thought 'Wow...I've never seen that freckle before...' and I don't know where it came from, I don't know if it just popped up overnight or what. I thought it was astonishing, and then I thought 'If I don't notice what's going on on the back of my hand then what am I missing in the outside world?'"

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Shane: "You're either breaking out or you're turning red because you're really mad..."

Me: "Only you would know, you've seen me at my angriest"

Shane: "Yeah, you don't turn red, you turn tan, like you're cooking from the inside out. And then there was that time at that party with D****... although, you didn't turn tan then, you turned white...although I think that's because it was winter and you camouflaged yourself to make you more lethal."

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 Shane: "Ya know those white spiders you were talking about? I saw one on the visor above my head in the car tonight, freaked out and squished him with a coin...then I used that coin on the tollbooth on the way home...they accept spiders."